“Rub them raw, rub them raw.”

  her mama said

“Sand the floor with your feet.”

Knee deep in tea and a fistful of holy cards in one hand and a hanky in the other, like spider nets, catch her dreams that try to escape.

“Challenge yourself to cry until you're contorted into something new,”  mama says, “perhaps a lovely lady rocking a side pony tail that says things like, "I really don't feel like to go to the wedding.  I am simply just too sad.""

Heavenly Mother Hear my Prayer

There's a bonfire in my heart
A tsunami, earthquake break
creepy sounds in the night
music box notes
from a haunted closet
red and blue night lights
and the very last straw
before the dam breaks
not belonging where I come from
going home to where I belong.
I'm running for my life again, but this time it's for my spirit too.

Heavenly Mother hear my prayer, may I find my way home safely
Land softly in the arms of my beloved, and my dear ones.
Land on a dance floor and embrace my tribe
to dance and sweat my tears
and thank you for the reminder.

Of a lesson not yet revealed.
For this tender broken heart.
And I will listen for your message.
Be clear, so there is no doubt it came from you, Dear Mother.
That I may find my way.  In this darkness.

Mother/Son Texting Conversations

8/24:
Mother:  Hey earthquake?  You okay? Crazy sad here
 Son:  Yes just a shake.  2.9 magnitude.  New experience for sure.

8/26:
Son:  Hey I love you.  Get some rest!  Good Night.

8/27:
Son: Pozole here.  Pretty good 
Mother: As good as Mom's?  Dad said you had a nice visit.  Alone tonight here.  Kind of nice.
Son:  Dad said he had a good trip?  And it's pretty good.  Not bad.   Oily though.
Mother: Working on setting up my computer.  Just finished initial set up.
Son: Nice nice.
Mother: I'm trying to finish Shaomay's scarf.
Son:  Cool thanks.
Son: Hey i got oil on my shoe  I tried rubbing alcohol but it's still kind of there...  what should i do?  Baby powder
Mother: Baby powder let it soak then brush it off.  Do that a few times.  Then let me know.
Son:  Don't got none
Mother:   :'( miss me?  :p buy some tomorrow
Son:  Kkty

8/29:
Mother:  Night Night
Son:  Night

8/30:
Mother:  G'nite baby boy.  I miss you and I miss home.  And my mom.
Son:  Mhmm we are here though.  Good Night.
Mother:  In heart together.  Family.  Free of need for words.
Son:  Yes
Mother:  Nightmoon

me & my boy
Yolo County Fair 2011

Son:  Night

8/31:
Mother:  G'nite
Son:  Nite.  Back to dorm safe.
Mother:  i was only a little worried.  how is class?
Son: Alright
Mother: Pshhh  G'nite